She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
