Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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