oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
