u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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