he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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