I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
