fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
