if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
either way he was missing a nipple.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize