How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
