Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
