Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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