So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
