in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
