I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
