It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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