the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
