Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
