why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
