can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
