haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
