Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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