She said her name was "party"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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