Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
