the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
