When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
