I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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