ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
