Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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