i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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