apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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