return my video game
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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