Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
