oh god the rape fog is back!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
