I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
