I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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