He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i came on her dog
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
