in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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