Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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