So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
