Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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