THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
