My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
