So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
