i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
