hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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