I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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