wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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