If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
