She said her name was "party"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
