some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
