I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
