dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
