I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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