You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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