Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
