: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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